Injectables

I had my appointment this morning at the Fertility Center to learn how to give myself the shots in the stomach since the other treatments are not working. The shots will come unassembled and I will put them together into a pen-like utensil sort of like an epi-pen. I will give myself the shots everyday in the belly button area for up to 20 days depending on several variables, such as the dosage and my egg's growth cycle (the cost of the medication increases each time the dosage increases, the financial adviser we met with gave us a ballpark estimate of $3000). I start the shots on cycle day 2. I am currently on cycle day 20. I will have to make daily or every other day visits to the Fertility Center for monitoring and vaginal ultrasounds and blood draws. When my eggs do what they are supposed to, Hub makes a donation which is "washed" meaning they take out the slow, mal-formed sperm as well as some certain liquids and other stuff and then do an IUI which stands for Intra-Uterine-Insemination. This means they take the semen and use a long utensil to insert the semen into my uterus which gives the semen a quicker journey to the egg area. I was told there is a 30% chance this will make me pregnant. I thought I was told 90% at my last appointment, but I guess I misunderstood. If I don't get pregnant, they will increase my dosage and we can try up to a total of 3 times before they recommend IVF (in-vetro-fertilization, which is where they put the eggs and semen in a test tube and fertilize it and then stick it in my uterus - this is considered a surgery where i am put to sleep) If I do get pregnant, there is a 20% chance of multiples. After all this I was crying and once I stopped crying we went to Denny's and of course, our waitress was pregnant which made me cry again, so I went into the bathroom to cry for a while, then I washed my face and at my moon-over-my-hammy. Please pray for us!

15

It’s cycle day 15 and I’m still not ovulating, even with all this mediation. The doctor said my eggs are only at 8mm, they should be at 20mm by now. They made me an appointment for this Friday with a nurse to learn how to give myself the injections (they will be once or twice a day for up to 20 days). Then after that I have to meet with the financial planner lady because apparently the shots are going to cost between $2780 and $3180 depending on the dosage they start me on. There is a 90% success rate for people like me who are younger but for whom the chlomid/estrogene/dexamethasone didn’t work. If you know of anyone who hasn’t seen my site, please send them the URL, http://GiftOfHope.itgo.com

I am trying to think of something positive amongst all the negativity. I always imagined having my baby with an April or May birthday, and if the shots work during the first round, I will get that wish! If not, we do another round with a higher dose of medication which means another $3000, ugh. And if we decide we want 2 children, we get to do this all over again. I guess at least we will know the routine and not have to do all the guess work all over again. *sigh*

EEK! (and I don't mean the cat)

This medication has enhanced my sense of smell. I can smell everything to the point of almost being able to taste it and let me tell you, most of the world smells disgusting!!! Febreze is my new best friend, I spray it several times a day in my car and where ever I happen to be. Last night this horrible smell was coming from the drain, so I sprayed the drain. P U!

I also have been having the worst nightmares! The one last night was about penguins stabbing themselves with pointy chopsticks, I’ll spare you the rest of the gory details – eek!

The Next Round... DING!

Its day 9 of the medication. I’ve become over-emotional to where I cry at Kleenex and pet food commercials. My speech center doesn’t seem to be firing 100% anymore either, I have a B.A. in English and its beyond frustrating for me not to be able to speak properly no less coherently.

On a positive note, I got a henna fertility prayer tattooed on my leg, don’t worry, it only lasts for 2 weeks or so, but is very pretty and reminds me that it isn’t just me who has troubles with fertility, these troubles span all races, creeds, and abilities. It really freaked out my FIL who thought it was a real tattoo, lol! Thanks to Kellie for going with me and getting a henna tattoo of her own! :)

Here we go again

It's that time again, I get to start taking the pills again. Three times the clomid, three times the estrogen, three times the dexamethazone, and a shot of the peptide hormone. I'm glad to be on "track" again but at the same time, I don't like taking so much medication. It kinda screws with my moods and emotions, and poor Hub seems to be the recipient of much of my madness. Hopefully the medication will work this time around, I'm really not looking forward to having to give myself shots in the stomach.

The odd thing is, I felt like the last round of medication was finally leaving my system, all I had left to work on was my anger displacement and I was going to be back to “normal.” I just have to remember the ultimate goal, Evie (or Eric) is worth the sacrifice, I would do anything for my children!

$$$

My belly-button incision is healing nicely, the part that looked like a piercing has closed up, but it’s still red and raised. The lower incision has started to scab over from my previous mishap – hooray!

Another bill came yesterday, $800 for the anesthesiologist!!! Don’t get me wrong, I was happy to be anesthetized while various parts of my body were being cut into, but I had no clue how expensive it was! Having surgery is not like buying anything else in life, there are no price tags and you don’t get to decide what you want to purchase. It’s like sleep-shopping, you wake up and realize you have spent a lot of money but you don’t know how much or on what! I can’t wait to see how much having a baby costs! YIKES!!!

Do Emus have oily skin too?

I haven’t slept well since last Thursday (when Hub’s family came to visit) and I woke up one night and my lower incision had come open and was bleeding all over me and my PJs and the bed, I guess I either stretched funny or scratched it in my sleep. I kinda feel like I am back to square one with that.

A friend of mine said to minimize scaring I should put emu oil on the healed incisions, so I went and got some at a health food store, I hope it works!

Scalpel, STAT!

I cut out my stitches today. I know, I know, but the whole dissolving on their own thing wasn’t happening, so after 10 days of pulling on them in pain, I cut them out instead. I’m sure it will be fine. The location of the knot in the stitch was causing a small hole to heal near my belly button. It sorta looks like my belly button is pierced now, lol! So, the stitch needed to come out. It looks more normal now, despite the incision site which is still healing up. No stitches came out of the other incision, its still healing too, slowly but surely. :)

Post-Op

I had my post-op appt, my Dr says I'm healing slowly but surely. She was concerned about some pain I was having near my bladder and ovaries so she did some tests and sent them to the lab, they came back negative.

The stitches have started coming out. The Dr told me to tug on them a bit to help them wiggle out. I was shocked, isn't the Dr supposed to tell you to leave it alone, don't pick at it, etc? Well I fiddled with the stitches and man does it hurt, so I am leaving them to dissolve on their own! Phew!